How Domestic Violence Affects Us All

Posted on Dec 7, 2017 | 0 comments

When I came Out Of The Darkness And Into The Light, I looked around and I realized that I was not alone.

I was now part of a large group of people as domestic violence affects 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men. On average, 24 people per minute are harmed by domestic violence here in the USA. (1) We are not alone. And we will not be sad anymore.

We are survivors. We are strong. We are honest.

I realized I had not done as great a job at hiding it as I thought I did. And that is ok.

I realized we are not the only ones affected by domestic violence, those horrible little things that happen in our home that we think no one notices and we are better off forgetting. And that is not ok.

Well, they actually do affect a lot of other people and can cost our community dearly, as well as our most loved ones and ourselves.

Though we may not have all the answers just yet on how to end domestic violence, talking about it helps. Keeping it out in the open, continuing a dialogue about it, searching for better ways are all on the path to domestic violence consciousness.

How Domestic Violence Affects Us All

How Domestic Violence Affects The Kids

I will be writing a separate post dedicated just to this {Update, click here for how domestic violence effects children}, but for now I’ll leave this thought with you. Children learn to be what they see, hear and feel. They are very in-tune with their parents, either one or both, and generally know when you are fighting. Children have an uncanny ability to figure out how this was their fault and this is the number one thing to be aware of. Here are some tips:

They will need constant reassurance throughout their childhood and young adult lives to really get it ingrained that the divorce had nothing to do with them.
It is always a good idea to find the child a therapist so they have someone safe to talk to and ask questions of.
Keeping the lines of communication open between you is important, focus on forgiveness and moving on in a healthy light past the trauma, letting it go.
Constant reminders that they are safe are necessary, hearing it constantly does bring them relief.
Don’t be afraid to talk but be mindful of how much they need to know – remember, it is not their fault, right?
A few things to look out for behaviorally –

Social extremes – if the child suddenly becomes extremely distant or overly friendly
Depression, self-esteem issues
Anxiety in many forms
Sleeplessness, Nightmares
Academic issues
Extreme mood swings – from calm to angry to calm in 60 seconds

If you notice any of these, utilize the resources available to you and seek some help.

How Domestic Violence Affects The Community

These numbers were shocking to me, yet when you stop to think about it, they make sense. But as victims, we never stop to think about it – check it out:

Domestic violence costs our government more than $12 billion in medical and mental health care, social workers and clinics for survivors.
An estimated 8 million days of paid work are lost each year because of domestic violence issues – leaving the victims work unattended.
A national study found that work productivity net loss annually was $1.14 billion thanks to domestic violence issues.
Another study by Loring & Smith showed in 1994 that domestic violence injuries result in 21,000 hospitalizations, 99,800 inpatient treatment days, 28,700 er visits, 39,000 medical office visits. Today it is reported that 37% of the women seeking medical treatment are so for domestic violence (2) – and those are the ones who are telling the truth, how many more would there be if we were all honest in the moment instead of so scared?
Domestic violence victims are less likely to become an active member of the community because they feel the need to hide, not realizing that the community has a place for all of us. That there are resources out there to help us.

It seems like so much loss. All because we are struggling to learn how to communicate without putting our hands on someone else? Because we are struggling to learn how to deal with our anger or shame?

I think we can do better, I think we all can. By talking about it, by starting the conversation, by sharing our ideas, by encouraging each other, we will find a solution.

Malibu Mama Loves Xxx