Conscious Coupling

Posted on Oct 13, 2014 | 4 comments

‘Conscious uncoupling” has been all over the news for months now.

But before you can UN something, you must DO something. So I am quite curious as to what ‘Conscious Coupling” is, are you?

But first –

What is Conscious Uncoupling?

Dr. Habib Sadeghi & Dr. Sherry Sami on Conscious Uncoupling:

“A conscious uncoupling is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing. Because present events always trigger pain from a past event, it’s never the current situation that needs the real fixing. It’s just the echo of an older emotional injury. If we can remain conscious of this during our uncoupling, we will understand it’s how we relate to ourselves internally as we go through an experience that’s the real issue…”

While there are a few things these doctors have written that I do not agree with, there are quite a few things I was very happy to read. Like the above and below blurb!

Katherine Thomas Woodward, the author, speaker and relationship expert who helps many, many people with Conscious Uncoupling says:

‘So a conscious uncoupling is a breakup that is characterized by goodwill, by generosity and by respect.

‘It leaves both parties feeling valued and appreciated for all that is shared.

‘It’s about two people striving to reduce the damage to themselves and their children, if there are children involved.’

When I read this, I had the feeling that this could be thought about at the beginning of a marriage (or at any point really), just from a different viewpoint.

In the introduction Dr. Sadeghi and Dr. Sami state:

“The high divorce rate might actually be a calling to learn a new way of being in relationships.”

Yes! Absolutely!

This is what we should be focusing on –

What is Conscious Coupling?

The majority of people just ‘fall’ into a relationship. They are blinded by the ‘honeymoon’ phase and don’t take any time to be conscious of who they are really with. It is so easy to do, right?

Conscious Coupling is taking the time to be conscious of both yourself and the person you are with. Their/your morning habits, their/your cleanliness habits, their/your favorite things to do, their/your honest opinion on things, how they make you feel, how they treat you in different situations, etc.

The same concepts that Ms. Woodward applied to uncoupling can be used for Conscious Coupling. It works as a guideline for either during and before a marriage. The relationship is defined as follows:

A relationship that is characterized by goodwill, by generosity and by respect.

A relationship where both parties feel valued and appreciated for all that is shared.

Both parties strive to find some happiness together while reducing previous relationship damage done, especially once children are involved.

Here are My 5 Steps to Conscious Coupling

Step 1 to Conscious Coupling

Truly get to know yourself first. Before you can bring another person into your life, you must really know AND LOVE yourself.

Accept your faults, appreciate your strengths, know you are amazing – MML. http://t.co/gdzPRKTF1z #consciousness #knowledgeispower

— Malibu Mama Loves (@MalibuMamaLoves) October 13, 2014

Step 2 to Conscious Coupling

Be honest. With yourself and your new mate. Being honest with yourself about what you like/want/need and do not is important to finding someone who balances out your preferences/ideas.

It is in honesty that you will truly find what you want & how another individual can complement your future – MML. http://t.co/DE5MOXBLLZ

— Malibu Mama Loves (@MalibuMamaLoves) October 13, 2014

Step 3 to Conscious Coupling

Ask questions and Listen carefully. Even if you are 10 years into a marriage that is growing apart but you still think you know everything, I promise you don’t! Ask your mate, or new potential, questions and LISTEN carefully to how they respond. How did it make you feel? Do you agree with them on that issue? Are you being fair to them? Are they being fair to you? https://twitter.com/MalibuMamaLoves/status/521760642207072258

Step 4 to Conscious Coupling

Trust your gut! Our instincts are amazing, if we only would listen to them. What does your gut say to you? If you are feeling alarm bells, follow-up on it!

Step 5 to Conscious Coupling

Assess how your mate treats you, honestly! No excuses for them! If you are sick and your mate is too busy to bring you a smile… If they are quick to anger, really think about that. These behaviors most likely will only get worse as the relationship progresses.

You must draw the line as to what is acceptable treatment of you. http://t.co/gdzPRKTF1z #relationshipgoal #LoveYourselfFirst

— Malibu Mama Loves (@MalibuMamaLoves) October 13, 2014

The honeymoon phase is bound to end. At some point real life jumps up and grabs you. If you don’t have a good foundation, will you be able to stand strong? If you are not conscious of each other, will you be able to find each other in moments of need?

Though I understand that sometimes a relationship has run its course and it is definitely time to change direction, conscious coupling will absolutely change your relationship experience.

If only we could get more people interested in conscious coupling, I wonder how many marriages would be saved and how many divorces could be more peaceful?!

Malibu Mama Loves Xx

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