Trauma Bonding Explained

Posted on May 16, 2022 | 0 comments

One of the worst things about a toxic relationship is trauma bonding. Trauma bonding creates powerful feelings that are completely confusing and so so real…

What Is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonds are deep, emotional bonds with an individual rooted in reoccurring cyclical patterns of abuse or devaluation followed by positive reinforcement. When we experience long term abuse, our sympathetic nervous systems become activated placing you in a hypervigilant state, regularly shutting down the parts of the brain that perform your risk analysis (meaning if you are in danger and at what level, the ability to properly assess situations) and your long-term planning ability. You will be in constant fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode, always walking on eggshells.

Our brains are simply no longer functioning properly.

This is how the confusion sets in. Feelings of pain and wanting the person who caused the pain to fix it, believing they are the ONLY 1 who can make things ok. That you may have deserved the pain and the reward you are desperately waiting for will be along soon.

How Are Trauma Bonds Formed?

The abuse will most likely take you completely by surprise and have you feeling completely confused for a long time. It is a horrible cycle of pain and pleasure. It can happen:

Within a toxic relationship
From greek hazing
In military training
Between child and caregiver
Between senior and caregiver
During a kidnapping
Within cults
Within prisons
Within concentration camps
During human trafficking

Trauma bonding happens because of our bodies natural response to stress. When we become stressed regularly and at a high level, our sympathetic nervous system kicks into high gear for an extended period of time preventing us from thinking straight and putting us into survival mode creating neural pathways that do not serve us.

Simply put, we are no longer in control.

Signs Of Trauma Bonding

Some red flags that indicate you are possibly trauma bonded are:

Relationship moves at a very fast pace
Some form of trauma occurs very soon within the relationship
You make huge life changes quickly for the relationship
You disappear or start to drift away from family and friends to please the relationship
You develop an extreme fear of leaving the relationship
You believe the other persons opinion as more value than your own
There is a power imbalance within a relationship
You are always walking on eggshells, never sure of what is going to happen next
When you are hurting the most, you are also the most desperate for that person to fix you
Your feelings confuse you
You continue to trust them hoping they change
You protect them by keeping their abusive secrets at all costs
You have to constantly make excuses for their behavior