9 Tips On How To Consciously Talk To Your Kids About Divorce
The ever dreaded conversation…
It was one of the scariest and yet best conversations of my life. Everyone’s situation is different, but the bottom line is none of us want to disappoint our children by telling them we are getting divorced.
So when the time arises to come clean and tell the kids what has been going on, it can be very daunting.
In my situation, I didn’t have a choice. We didn’t know if there would be a tomorrow, we had to get out fast so I took them to my parents on the other side of the country. And when we got there, my 8 year old son, who had just saved my life, asked me IF we were going back to California.
With tears running down my face, I looked at him and I said “Not for a while. I think dad and I should separate and get a divorce, what do you think?”
He looked at me and said “It’s about time Mom. I think that would be good.” And ran up to see my parents leaving me stunned.
My daughter overheard all of this and made some incredible comments of relief.
Kids are so perceptive and realize more than we give them credit for. So if you are in that situation, chances are they already know something is up.
Talking to our kids about divorce is not as hard as we think. Click the link 2c I share 9 tips on how to #consciously talk to your kids about divorce. https://t.co/m2fTSTksD9 #Divorce #itsgoingtobeok #Consciousliving
— Malibu Mama Loves® (@MalibuMamaLoves) December 5, 2017
9 Tips on How To Consciously Talk To Your Kids About Divorce
- Do your best to be in a calm, comfortable environment. You can’t always control it, as I said before, everyone’s situation is different, but do your best when the time comes to be just you, the other parent and children present in any combination, but no one else inn a quiet environment with no distractions.
- Be Honest and humble. Remember, this is about them, not us. In their world, it does not matter how their other parent hurt us, what matters is that both of you still love them. Instead of pointing fingers or putting down the other parent (which only proves to hurt the kids according to this study) try saying things haven’t worked out but we both still love you, we will work on forgiving each other and moving forward as our family grows. Tell them they are safe and loved and be honest and direct with responses to their questions, even the painful ones.
- Tell everyone together. Siblings are siblings and can hold things over each other. Best to get it all out in the open at once than put the weight of this secret on the shoulders of just one. I was thankful that both of my children were together when we talked about it.
- Have a plan of how things will work. This will give them security if you and their other parent have already worked out the schedule so you can reassure them that no one is disappearing out of anyone’s lives. That the parents will work together peacefully, consciously is the most important thing for the kids.
- Directly tell them that this is not their fault and has nothing to do with them. Repeatedly, hammer this one home. It is so important. Children with divorced parents generally find a way to blame themselves, even years later. So it is imperative to keep reminding them that this is not their fault. Remember that divorce comes with a healing period, the kids go through this to. They, like us, have moments of fear, heartbreak and all the rest of it, so just be conscious of this and continue to remind them it is not their fault.
- Keep it simple. The more simple the better. Make it clear to the best of your ability that you will do what you can to keep it peaceful and move forward.
- Talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness is so important. We need to let go and the kids need to as well. So open up the lines of communication about forgiving each other and working together for everyone’s success.
- It’s ok to cry. I know we all try to be tough, but life is life. Sometimes we cry and sometimes our children will too. So it is ok to do it with them, especially during these very emotional conversations.
- Talk about appreciating the time we have had together but now it is time to try something new, a new adventure. They will react how you react, so if you get them comfortable with it by presenting it as a grand new adventure, a new way of life, this will make their transition that much easier.
Keeping the lines of communication open is the most important thing. Since that first conversation with my children, it has gotten much easier to talk to my littles and I do so regularly. I remind them this is not their fault. I ask them how they feel. I listen.
It is by talking and listening to each other that we can grow together and form a healthy, conscious life in which we can all thrive.
Need some more advice on how to talk to your kids about divorce? Come join our facebook group, login and search Malibu Mama Loves Beach Club and get in on the conversation!
What are your great tips to talk to your kids about divorce? Please share them in the comments, I would love to read them.
Malibu Mama Loves Xxx