The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys

The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys


Remember in the Wizard of Oz how the Wicked Witch of the West had a group of brainwashed flying monkeys to do her evil bidding? When any character saw them coming, they would duck and cover in fear and fright, right, knowing that they were bringing pain and hurt for whomever the witch happened to be angry at, at that moment.

As it turns out the narcissist has flying monkeys too!!

What Is A Narcissist’s Flying Monkey?

A flying monkey is a term that really means abuse by proxy, having someone else do your bidding. You see, much like the wicked witch put her flying monkeys under a spell and fooled them into hurting her victims, a narcissist will lie and manipulate others to their false sense of reality and trick them into continuing to hurt their victim.

They can be family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, school acquaintances… absolutely anyone. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are often very charismatic, charming people. They have incredibly crafted stories to bring you into their reality, making you feel sorry for them, making you want to protect them, thus feeding their constant need for attention and adoration.

A narcissist’s flying monkey believes their story hook, line and sinker and feels the need to go the distance to hurt the person whom the narcissist claimed hurt them. They can perform rotten, frightening, tormenting acts all to gain the admiration of the narcissist leaving the victim even more confused if you don’t understand what is happening and the narcissist feeling like they are in complete control.

It took me years to understand this and once I finally did, I learned how to defend myself. Because it truly is shocking that people not only believe the lies of a narcissist, but act upon them to hurt someone else more. I have several flying monkeys around, unfortunately, and I have had had to learn how to defend myself against them.

What Does A Narcissist’s Flying Monkey Do?

They harass the target, portraying the narcissist as the victim and their target as the evil culprit. It leaves one so confused, hurt and sometimes even thinking they are crazy. It is so backwards.

They employ many tactics, from spreading rumors, spying on them, gaslighting, triangulating, verbally assaulting, sometimes even physically assaulting, and so much more.

How Do You Handle A Flying Monkey?

The hardest part when under stack of a narcissist’s flying monkey is dealing with the CPTSD from the narcissistic abuse. The situation triggers the sympathetic nervous system and can put one into flight, fight, freeze or fawn mode. For me it is flight and then freeze. We have to learn to be in control of this.

First, I get myself out of the situation because trying to talk to any flying monkey literally goes no where. So I just walk away, shut it down, call 911 if the threat is bad, whatever I have to do to get out of the situation. My heart is usually pounding, my adrenaline high, so focusing on breathing is always a must.

Which brings you to the present and you can remind yourself you are safe and ok and out of that situation. This is all about the narcissist trying to control you, and they no longer can.

As I repeat this to myself, I use a breathing exercise as soon as I have gotten myself out of the situation and can do this. It regulates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers the parasympathetic nervous system to calm us and relax us so we can fully be ok.

It is the 5 – 2 – 8 count breath, 3x over. Breath in for 5, hold for 2, out for 8. Repeat 3x.

Do it with us now on Conscious Straight Talk With Katie & Lindsey


Malibu Mama Loves Xx


Author: malibumamaloves

I am a conscious mama, a dv survivor, a conscious trauma informed life coach who has overcome trauma and helps others turn their pain into purpose in facing their unhealed traumas.

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