Knowing When To Say NO
I don’t know about you, but I have struggled with saying no for my whole life. As an empath, I want everyone to be happy and healthy and I will go to any length to help that happen for them. Yes is my jam!!
It should be super simple to say. Yet when it comes time, the no just gets caught in my throat. My brain says no and my heart says yes! Guess what comes out of my mouth?!
Which occasionally (ok, more often than not) gets me into hot water. Saying yes all the time leaves me generally over-committed, exhausted, stressed, anxious AND stretched beyond my limits. I realized saying yes all the time was taking me away from the things I love and robbing me of precious time with my littles. For a long time I felt like a seedling in the wind, being pushed and pulled in every direction, feeling completely lost.
Then it hit me that in saying yes to everyone else, I was in fact saying NO to myself and my wants/needs. How can I say no to me, but never to anyone else?!! The reality is that saying NO sometimes is part of setting healthy boundaries and living a focused, intentional life. Something I have been working a lot on over the last couple of years.
So if you are ready to take your power back, to gain more control over your life, than it is time to start saying no a little bit! Here are some powerful tips to help you do that.
How To Know When To Say No
There are 5 major signs that will tell you to say no. So the next time you are asked to do something you are on the fence about, ask yourself these 5 things, be aware of yourself and your feelings, and if you answer YES to any of these, then just say NO!
- You are already too busy. Obvious, I know, but this is where I go so wrong. I bite off so much more than I can chew, accept multiple plans for one day (because I’m too afraid to offend someone by saying I’m busy), and never stop to think if I can realistically do it. Which means I usually wind up cancelling on someone or leaving a task unfinished and hurting feelings anyway… Once I identified with this, I was able to start being more realistic with my time. Next time someone asks you to do something, ask yourself if you are already to busy and if the answer is yes, a simple I’m so sorry, but I have to much going on right now to help you will do. Honesty is the best policy.
- You feel guilty or obligated. Guilt is a big problem for me. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. So it is good to be clear to yourself, are you doing this because you feel like you have to or are guilty? If yes, than it is 100% ok to say NO. It begins with being mindful, if you notice feelings of guilt or obligation, stop and think things through. Do not let these emotions make decisions for you, that road leads to disaster.
- You wonder if you are being used. We all have those people in our lives who are perpetually in chaos, they can never take responsibility for themselves or solve any of their problems. So next time they ask, if this question pops up in your mind, than the answer is No. Don’t let them push you over.
- You get a bad feeling. You know that little thing in your belly that goes a fluttering or the hairs raising on the back of your neck? Listen to it!! Say no.
- The request does not excite or motivate you. Than how is it benefiting you? Is it taking away from your life? Be realistic and it is ok to put yourself first sometimes.
Saying no for many of us may be scary, but the cool thing is that as soon as I did speak up and start saying no a little bit, many things changed for me.
And guess what? I have not lost one friend or had anyone angry at me for saying no. They all have understood!!! Turns out it was just my mindset after all!
Malibu Mama Loves Xx