The Cycle Of Abuse

The Cycle Of Abuse


You most likely don’t even know it is happening. You most likely have already created every excuse as to why your life is like this. If you know somebody living like this, you probably have discounted it because the person seems like it is just the way it is.

When you are living it, when you are listening to it, when you are feeling it, the cycle of abuse may feel like what life is supposed to be like as often times it is all we know.

But guess what? It is not.

It may be one of the toughest things to break in the world, trust me, I have broken several different types just within my own life, but it is well worth it. Because once you get a taste for what life can be like without the cycle of abuse, once you start feeling what honoring the true you feels like, there is no going back…

What Is The Cycle Of Abuse?

The cycle of abuse consists of four stages and is a repetitive, endless roller coaster of emotions and events that involve lovebombing, threats of violence, violence, apologies, promises of change and then more lovebombing – the rinse and repeat continues getting worse with each wash.

Stage 1 – The Honeymoon/Calm phase.

In the beginning, there will be so much lovebombing, you will think this person is literally your person and become hooked. You overlook a lot of red flags because they are overwhelming you with ‘love’. Once deep in the cycle, this will be a period of calm, begging for forgiveness, filled with empty promises you really, really want to believe.

Stage 2 – Tension Building phase.

Often times an abuser will hurt their victims when they are in a stressful situation. They will start displaying signs of frustration, anger, paranoia in response to what is triggering them. Once you are immersed in the cycle, during this phase you will find yourself becoming hyperaware of their feelings, anxious, walking on eggshells to please them yet still in constant fear that they are about to erupt and violence is about to occur. It can be exhausting.

Stage 3 – The Incident Happens.

Whether it is emotional, physical, sexual, financial or psychological, the abuser blows, releasing their tension and the victim gets hurt. Most always, the abuser will blame the victim for them ‘loosing control’. This is never ok, and never the victim’s fault. But when we are in the cycle, we don’t realize this.

Stage 4 – Reconciliation phase.

After the abuse happens, the tension fades and to keep the cycle going, the abuser often makes promises that they can never keep, buys many gifts, agrees to therapy, acknowledges they need help, PROMISES to change and does anything they can to get you back to the honeymoon/calm phase. This type of lovebombing/devoted behavior triggers the release of dopamine and oxytocin, helping you to feel even more closely bonded creating the fallacy that you have your “real” relationship back, the real person you love.

And you start the whole process over again with the honeymoon/calm stage.




Until you can understand, until you are ready to not live that way. Until you are ready to honor the true you, turn your pain into purpose and truly step into your power.

I am here to walk with you on that journey, in a safe space. Reach out to me here and let’s get your path to conscious happiness in place today. You are not alone.

Join our conversation here on Conscious Straight Talk With Katie & Lindsey as we continue this conversation over the next few weeks.

Malibu Mama Loves Xx

Author: malibumamaloves

I am a conscious mama, a dv survivor, a conscious trauma informed life coach who has overcome trauma and helps others turn their pain into purpose in facing their unhealed traumas.

Share This Post On

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *